Sunday, October 20, 2019

Questions About Mental Health That I Talk To Myself About

Mental health. Something I have personally dealt with all my life. I have went through so much within my 22 years of life, but with a great support system, I have been able to manage and pull through. Just about everyone I have met has had a conversation with me about mental health or is simply just a topic of conversation. Mental health is important to me because trauma based situations are often categorized as something that visibly & drastically happens which is not always true. Things such as heart breaks, losses of loved ones, or adjusting to new environments causes changes in mental health. We may be sad, mournful, and depressed for a few days, but everyone takes these emotions differently. One may take their life, one may deal with substance abuse, one may partake in reckless behaviors and so on and so forth. Sometimes I wonder if therapy works when someone is so deep into depression. What can be done to help someone who is in too deep when it comes to depression? How do you tell that person that they need help when they are so deep into that well of sadness? Do you talk to them? Do you offer helpful suggestions? What can you do? Their mind is already gone. One may offer to medicate. But how long will that work until the medications wear off? Offer more medications? But what about the possibility of addiction? Then they are in rehab feeling alone once again. What do you do? Well may be intensive therapy may work. But how long will that take until their better? What if they are so close to their breaking point that therapy wont work? So many questions on such a touchy subject that is avoided by many and understood by a few. What are your thoughts?

#MentalHealth #QuestionsIAsk 

Mini Hiatus & Why I Resigned From My Job: Racism and Jealousy

Hey all! I was very busy and slightly stressed, but I am now back and better. After losing a toxic job in a toxic work environment over jealousy and racism, I have been in school and focusing on my school work and tending to my family. As of now, I have received a new job with better pay and closer to home. I am in the 9th week of uni as a junior in college and things are finally starting to properly fall into place. When I lost my job, I was not mad, but I was annoyed by the jealousy, racism, and micro-aggression that I did not realize until I had resigned. I don't dwell on past events but learn from them. Its crazy how I, a young, African American woman, was envied by a counterpart who was male, and much older. Let me tell you the story on how I was let go/ resigned from my last job. As a new nurse assistant, I needed training because I had just got my C.N.A licence and P.C.A certificate in August of 2018. It was the end of 2018 when I first started my job training at a hospital as a P.C.A. Right off the bat, I had a co-worker tell me that the work environment was full of racism and micro-aggression and that I should watch myself in a "looking out" type of way. I took it into consideration, but needed the job because I was pregnant with my son. I had a few uninterested trainers, but I did not let it get to me and just wanted to learn how to do my job. The environment itself was like high school. There were cliques everywhere. As time went on, I was learning efficiently on my own pace but apparently not fast enough for my job coaches. In March of 2019, I was admitted to the hospital for preclampsia because of high blood pressure. I ended up coming back to work in July of 2019. When I got back, I was assigned to a trainer who I trained with for the remainder of my time at the hospital. He seemed like a great trainer who I can say actually taught me some things ( I will give credit where it is due). I was oblivious to all the micro-aggression signs and it was the first time I had visibly experienced it. I was happy to tell  my seemingly joyful trainer about my school ventures because he would do the same, but in a more bragging and "I am much better than you type of way." He would constantly talk about his goals and accomplishments, but when it came to me talking about mine, he always seem visibly annoyed and uninterested. As he would train me, he would constantly nitpick and complain about how I was doing a certain task and contradicting the way he would teach me. I then called him out on it. He turned red because he did not expect me to do that and told me the things that I was "improving"on. The reason I used quotations marks is because I already knew I was improving. It came to a point where I was not believing in myself and that I began to make some mistakes. I told my job coach the issue of me not feeling like I belong and she shrugged it off saying by saying "that is just how people are". That may have been true, but no one deserves to feel like they are walking on egg shells at work. I began to lack confidence in my work that I was actually getting better at. It  came to a point where he lied about a situation that barred me from doing my duties as a nurse assistant, that lead to me resigning in September of 2019. I explained to the clinical director my side of the story but she took the side of my trainer. Now most people would say to fight it, but who wants to work somewhere where the environment does not want you to be? Karma is real for those who don't know. I never wish bad on those and never ever would plot revenge but people get what they deserve when it comes to those who do good. If I could have changed one thing during my time at that job, I would have went to Human Resources and filed a complaint. Today it is October 20th, 2019 and I will be starting my new job November 4th. Wish me luck!

Monday, September 2, 2019

My Pregnancy Journey

Hello all! I am a new mommy who had a beautiful baby who was in the N.I.C.U for a whole month. It was such an experience because the pregnancy started out so normal, ya know, the usual decreased hunger because of morning sickness, sluggish and other basic symptoms. After a few check ups, my practitioner noticed that I had protein in my urine. I did not worry as much until I went back a few times and there was still protein in my urine, then later high blood pressure. I then decided to buy my own blood pressure cuff so I could monitor my blood pressure. I began to notice that my blood pressure was constantly scary high, so I decided to do some google searching to see what this meant and there it was, preclampsia. Preclampsia is a pregnancy condition that concludes of high blood pressure, protein in urine, dizziness, and swelling and the only cure is to have your baby. I decided to contact my practitioner and let her know what was going on and she told me to get there immediately. After some checking up she told me to go to the hospital. I was a little worried, but when I got there my blood pressure was 172/100. It was literally a blessing that I got to the hospital on time with such a high blood pressure. They told me that I was going to be admitted. I was 7 and a half months (28 weeks) pregnant. I didn't think that I would be there for nearly a month. While I was admitted they told me that they wanted to have me deliver at 34 weeks. I was content with that because I had researched how dangerous preclampsia could be. While being admitted, my blood pressure was constantly monitored every 4 hours and I had a lot of blood work done. Both were extremely annoying because I was always awaken from my sleep. (I guess it was preparing me for mother hood in a way). The good part of me being admitted was that I would get ultrasounds every two weeks to check on the status of my son, somewhat free food and hearing my boy's heart beat. The suckish part was that I had to monitor what I ate, constant blood work every 3 days and hardly getting any sleep. A doctor had also been coming in every two days to check on my son's heart beat. They let me know that there were "dips" in his heart rate which would scare me but they reassured me that he was going to be okay. At 32 weeks at around 11:30-ish on April 12, a doctor came in and wanted to check on my sons heartbeat, she told me that he just kept having dips in his heart rate and that they were going to have me deliver that night. I was nervous and scared at the same time. Hoping that I was going to have a vaginal birth but knowing full well that it was going to be a Cesarean section birth, I asked how I would deliver. "You're going to have a c-section" she told me. I cried a little bit because I was not prepared for a c-section. I eventually toughened up and said to myself "lets do it". As they got me ready and prepared for the procedure I just thought about my baby just hoping and praying things would go smoothly. At 2:14am I had my little boy at 2lbs and 10oz. The part that really surprised me is that he did not cry at all. He was so quiet. They let me kiss him and took him to a baby incubator. After the procedure I rested. My birthday was the next day, which was when I was able to see him which was around 1am. I stayed down in the N.I.C.U for 2 and a half hours in pain but happy to see my little angel. The nurse came and got me and told me that I needed to rest and I did so for a couple more days until I was released. This was probably one of the most life changing experiences ever with a beautiful outcome.

Thursday, August 22, 2019

My Opinion On Today’s Music

Where do I start? Well I am a huge music fanatic first of all and if the song sounds appealing, I may like it. I personally have a few rappers from this era that I enjoy such as The Migos, Chief Keef and a few others who started some years ago because of the idiosyncrasy of the music that they produce. Rappers such as Drake and Nicki, had some good music a few years ago, but now their music is the same and just plain redundant. Today’s latest “rappers” are basic and corny with the face tattoos, colorful hair and/or they just have meaningless lyrics. They have amazing instrumentals but then completely butcher them with their “boo boo” lyrics. I have even caught myself being captivated by a song with a good beat and then I realize the lyrics and I’m back to reality. What I’ve realized is that music, whether it be rap or any other genre that is mainstream, is hardly ever about experience and does not tell stories any more compared to music in the 70s, 80s, 90s, and early 2000. The R&B today is also a 99.9% hard pass because to me, no one can sing anymore. Voices are modified heavily with enhancers to make listeners think that the artists can actually sing. If you watch a singer live versus what you hear on the radio, there should only be a slight difference. I understand that it was done back then by artists such as Roger Zapp, but it wasn’t as noticeable as it is today nor was it constantly used. Its okay to use a decent amount of enhancement in music, but too much of it hides the talent that we cannot hear. If you have a good ear for music, you can tell a lot of enhancements are used in some of today’s song. What happened to singers being able to actually sing instead of just having a soft voice and carrying a mediocre tune? I guess what I am trying to say is that music is not the same anymore. I even tell my mother that I wish I was born into her generation simply because the music is that damn good. Don’t get me wrong, some of the music today is not all bad, and has its own uniqueness, but if I had to choose, it would be the old school.

Monday, August 19, 2019

My Top 10 90s Rap Songs

Hi there, Lyn here. I was just sitting and thinking to myself..."What are my top 10 90s raps that I am completely infatuated with?" I am such a huge fan of old school music that I can literally go on and on about it..seriously. As a young'n, music has always had a place in my heart, old and/or new. Sometimes it feels like I cannot function without it (Corny, I know). Anyway, lets get on with the list shall we?

1.) N*ggaz 4 Life by N.W.A (1991)
Considered to be "The World's Most Dangerous Group", N.W.A was one of the most controversial rap groups in history. I love the group, despite the misogynist lyrics and other negative connotations it has (which to none that I agree with, let's get that straight). This is one of my favorite N.W.A songs simply because of the message within the song. It starts off by people asking why they say the N word and why they don't like it. Then comes MC Ren to kill the first verse of the song along with Dr. Dre and Eazy E. This song explains why they use the word and how it applies to everyday life of an African American. This song may seem degrading to some, but powerful to others.

2.) Foe Tha Luv of $$$ by Bone Thugz N' Harmony (1995)
Founded by Eazy E of Ruthless Records , this group tends to seize and defeat every beat given to them. Songs such as Thuggish Ruggish Bone, First of The Month, and Crossroads are just some of the popular songs that people, including myself, enjoy today. This song is one of my favorites by BTNH because the instrumental is absolutely killer (and was produced by DJ Yella) to start it off. My favorite verses were from Flesh n' Bone, Krayzie Bone and E. Overall, its a good song because of the various cadences coming from each rapper.

3.) You Know How We Do It by Ice Cube (1994)
A chill, funky, laid back song. This song is literally just one of those old school songs that I really like to just listen to when I am riding around in my car. This song gives you that West side feel as if you have already arrived in South Central, LA. Definitely one of my favorite rappers as well.

4.) Who Am I? (What's My Name) by Snoop Dogg (1993)
This song is about as G-Funk as it gets. I am not necessarily an avid Snoop fan, but this song is one of his best in my opinion. This song automatically makes you bob your head and enjoy the funkadelic beat. Makes me want to drive an old school caddy and bump it or throw a 90s party and get down with family and the homies.

5.) So Many Tears by Tupac (1995)
One of the most touching songs by Tupac. This song is chill and it makes me think about how life is and how we lose our loved ones.This song alone makes me appreciate my loved ones, even the nutty individuals.This song is constantly on my repeat list.

6.) I Got 5 On It by Luniz (1995)
"5 on what?" Is what the younger me would have asked out loud. This song is just a classic in it own. Simply talks about.. you guessed.. smoking dat gas and rollin' up a J. This is one of those songs where you  just had a rough ass day and damn near broke and just want to smoke until you hear ya boy say "I got 5 on it". This is another g-funk song that's got a fire instrumental and it's just a song you can chill to.

7.) Real Compton City G's by Eazy-E, B.G Knocc Out and Dresta (1993)
First, let me say that I prefer the explicit version of this song. Anyway, this song right here is one of the best diss tracks I have ever heard. This song came out after Dr. Dre decided to go to Death Row and leave Ruthless. Dre had released a song called F*ck With Dre Day where he and his then protege, Snoop Dogg, diss E. Eazy-E comes out the wood work with this classic song. In this song, he completely rips Dr.Dre and Snoop a new asshole with this one calling Dre a "she thang" because of his World Class Wreckin' Cru days and the outfits he wore, calling him out on being a "studio gangsta" and his domestic violence issues. He also called Snoop an "anorexic rapper" and overall said "Muthaphukk Dre, Muthaphukk Snoop, Muthaphukk Death Row". Eazy’s proteges, Dresta and BG Knocc Out, also chime in on the diss with immaculate flows and lyrics in each of their verses.

8.) O.P.P By Naughty by Nature (1991)
This song is funky as well. If you want to know what O.P.P means, just listen to the first verse of the song. Go on I'll wait... Treach tells you a story in each version and tells you exactly what it means.This is another one of those song you just want to dance to and it makes your head bob unconsciously because of the beat.

9.) People Everyday by Arrested Development (1992)
This song tells a story about how a man and a woman are out on a date and some guys start to harass her and the man gets pissed. The flow of the song is very catchy and enjoyable and the hook itself will have you singing it and eventually getting stuck in your head for a few days.

10.) Regulate by Warren G and Nate Dogg (1994)
R.I.P to Nate Dogg. This song is one of the most G-funkadelic songs in my book. I like this song because of the story told. When I first heard this song, I put myself in the shoes of Warren G's story being told. I still loves to sing Nate's verses while another person sings Warren G's. REGULATORS, MOUNT UP!

Hope you all enjoyed the list! I will be back with either a rant or a new list!

#NWA #IceCube #McRen #EazyE #BonethugznHarmony #LLCoolJ #SnoopDogg #Luniz #Dresta #BGknoccout #drdre #deathrow #ruthlessrecords #naughtybynature #Arresteddevelopment #warreng #natedogg #90smusic #westcoastrap #oldschool #90sclassics

Youtube? Maybe..

Hi everyone. I am contemplating on creating a YouTube where I discuss things such as music, artists, movies or any other various topics that you can give. I want to create a bigger fan base on my website first before actually creating videos, but the page itself will be made. I really hope you guys enjoy the website and eventually my YouTube.

#youtube #vlog #personalvlogger #vlogging #Personalblogger

Saturday, August 17, 2019

My New Site

Hello there, people! My name is Lyn Ray and this is my site. I welcome you all here so that you can give me ideas that I can discuss with you all! Note: that this is an positive space, but opinions and disagreements are welcome in the forum provided. Anyway, welcome to my page! To start conversation, go to the forum link and start a thread. Feel free to email me from the Contact Us link at the top and ask me anything you'd like. Also, suggestions on this website are definitely appreciated in order to enhance your experience on this website via email or on the forum. Spread the word on this website, thank you!